The Fractions Inn
Here we have a general newsletter for the Fractions Inn.
"If you can't read a tape y'er out"
"I'll go Full English next time"
This is a snide, sarcastic, toxic place to share any tongue in cheek wisdom with the community, open to all.
First up, is
How I Won a Forum Contest and How You Can Too
So I have been asked how I won the most recent Ambassador Contest on the forums here, and if I had any pointers to help beat RNG, and thought it would be nice of me to share with the community how I, and other winners, have been winning.
Now, I was lucky enough to be born into a privileged class with devs up my ass at birth, as have some of our other recent winners, but not everyone is so lucky. I will say that the number of devs you put up your ass and how far you put them up your ass does matter.
As does choice of dev you stick up there.
I would recommend that you don't even bother with devs that aren't part of the Dynamight Studios team, as they may in fact add a debuff, and going up against RNG, you really want to be in your best fighting form.
Now the dev team here, we're all familiar with already, but for a refresher I'll list here what I think is most important when choosing which ones to stick up your ass, and how far to put them.
First of all, you can never go wrong with any of the following devs, though some are better at defeating RNG than others are.
This is just the four that most of us have been using some with good effect, but it takes a little bit of practice to know exactly which ones work well together and how far up.
The other devs, not only have we been having less success at winning, but they're all shaped in a way that make it painful to insert them. I suggest that if you go this route, you find a way to identify which is which, as on their linked in profile, they all look exactly the same. And I can tell you, we don't want a repeat of what happened to the winners of the first contests when they inserted these a little too far, poor dears, still in the infirmary from what I'm hearing.
You may think that's intended to be an anonymous profile pic, but I can in fact tell you it's just a stylized coat hanger. If you want to stick coat hangers up your ass to try to win, you can, but there's already a player who has several of these stuck up her ass and I don't think it's working for her.
Stick to the devs above, and you should do well
Pure aids. 11/10 cancer with a pinch of salt.
This is beautiful @Greenfire , thanks for the tips.
Can you recommend a particular brand of lubricant to fit so many devs up your ass?
And is there an optimal dev rotation or can you just wack them in in any order?
I'm so over it
Lesson learned for me: Never read discord/forums/ANYTHING before that first cup of coffee.
10/10 best post on the forums yet
The devs should reference this in-game
Second I bring you:
The White Knight Equation
Over the years I have encountered many different types of people online but one of my all time favourites is the Queen Bee. Not so much because of the Queen Bee herself, but for all the little White Knight Bees that swarm around her. Don't get me wrong the Queen Bee can be a force of nature, and she is often an amazing person. BUT. It's the White Knight Bees that really determine what sort of Queen Bee you're dealing with.
So how can we figure out what kind of Queen Bee it is? First of all, you have to rattle the nest a little. You wont know anything about the White Knight Bees until the Queen Bee is upset. Whether you have disturbed the Queen Bee intentionally or not doesn't actually matter - even if you have said sorry. And yes, even if you have said sorry AND she has accepted your apology. You rocked the boat so here they come.
The Independent Queen Bee: If you're getting just a couple of private messages and nothing else this is a fairly solitary Queen Bee who has a few White Knight Bees in her life that care about her enough to let you know you have made a mistake but who also know she'd kick their asses if she found out they were messaging you. This Queen Bee doesn't subscribe to the idea of "defining" other Queen Bees.
The Mulan Queen Bee: She's one of the boys. Chances are the one disturbing this nest is in fact one of her White Knights. She's one of the rarest bees because none of her White Knights will protect her. Instead, the hive has an "every bee for itself" mentality but they still get together on weekends and talk shit about the Power Play Queen Bee - see below.
The "I have a boyfriend" Queen Bee: These White Knights are forever reminded about the fact that they've been designated to the eternal friend zone. This has made them a little blue and they may or may not message you after you've done something wrong. They're still hopeful enough to keep in contact with her, but defeated enough that some days they just don't care.
The Queen of Queen Bees: Here's one you need to watch out for. Seriously just run. If you have multiple other Queen Bees (at least ten) messaging you about how you've hurt their friend you have disturbed the Council of Queen Bees and must get out immediately. Not doing so might result in your social media accounts getting hacked, strange and embarrassing rumors about you appearing mysteriously online, and weird calls in the middle of the night.
The Power Play Queen Bee: These White Knight Bees are super aggressive. Their Queen Bee often flirts with multiple White Knights at a time while somehow ensuring that none of them will find out about the others. She is skilled and sneaky, a little bit damaged and probably has a pet poodle or something. Because most of the White Knights assume they're dating - or at least in the running to be dating - the Queen Bee, they will stop at nothing to defend her honor.
and one more
- The Instagram Queen Bee: This one doesn't really play games. But she does take some amazing pictures of herself pretending to do so, and spends too much money at Sephora. The White Knights that swarm around this Queen Bee are generally paying her some form of currency - which funds her Sephora addiction - to pose in varying states of undress. They're very competitive and love it when their Queen Bee acknowledges anything they do. Because they're often showering her with gifts they also often have this odd misconception that they "own" the Queen Bee which makes them very defensive.
In conclusion, there are many other types of Queen Bees out there, and while you should always encounter them with caution, please also treat them with respect until they are deserving of anything else.
A Vicious Attack!
The Fractured Forum and the Discord was rocked this morning by high drama! Accusations were flung, that were difficult to dismiss, but dismiss it and diss it was the clear defence here. It's clear that there is a line in the sand here, with factions on both sides ready and raring for the game to open so they can make their cage rattling and chest beating amount to something!
Last week's mass banning from the Discord channels should have served as a warning to the members on either side, that the Management is taking no shit! But the forum members just can't stop raging and showing their utter disdain for each other and their eagerness for blood is unwavering, regardless of prior warnings!
Today's Vicious attack on the forums, brought our beloved Dynamight Studios out for a group spanking. Actually knocked a few devs out of my ass, I can look forward to no extra winning entries on the weekly contest thanks to that. (though who doesn't love a good spanking, eh?)
So, the outcome of the mass admonition was to put everyone on notice that the next wrong move will result in Armageddon. And to ask everyone "why can't we just all get along?"
Not sure I spelled that correctly, someone recently had a more fun take on that one
@mimi unfortunately i'm a wasp
@wombat I'm sure a few would agree
@Mimi daaawwww, I knew you two would get along!
She can see right through me. Its like we're twins
How to Train an Internet Troll, and Their Feeding Habits.
Any gamer worth their salt who is part of a bigger community will drop everything, rush home, login online and play their current game from dusk til dawn. No matter what game you play if it has a game chat then it has its resident trolls. These toxic players will spam, cry, try and even sext you, or just be a complete pain in the backside for any gamer or alliance or any gaming community. However, these individuals that pick away at any small piece of information to use against you for their advantage or even just to get a reaction can also have their uses .
They can turn the tide from you having a mediocre middle of the range alliance to actually making your alliance a force to be reckoned with.
1. The Spammer
These guys are the idiots of the trolling word. No amount of interaction with these twats Can ever be useful. You're better off boiling your scrotum and eating it
2. The Sex Pest
This unsavoury individual will come online in a game and ask if there are any women on. As a guy, that woman they are requesting.... is me. I have no qualms receiving pm's detailing what they want to do to me as anything I receive like that is shared on discord while they are still in game and the justice is severe and swift. To carry the conversation further, a few mmmmm and oh wows makes these perverts flustered. You find that the content of their pm's are weak so the only women they have seen naked...... who am I trying to kid. They haven't seen a woman naked.
The best way to feed these is to have an amazing conversation of one word answers. This will end with them asking for your number/discord/kik/line/smoke signal. who cares. Always remember kids play these games too.
No matter your stance in the game, if you are one of the following type of troll, put it to one side and always make sure that the community's safety is taken care of. Best to destroy these first two trolls quickly.
3. The Wanker/Drunken Fucktard/2 Can Van Damme
This guy takes the game too serious. If you don't talk about the game he gets pissy. Normally catagorised with the drunken fucktard or the guy that has had 2 beers can't hold his liquor and wants to fight the world (2 Can Van Damme). These guys bitemore, the more you interact with them, making less and less sense as the night carries on. These idiots are easier deflected to other targets like number 2 above.
4. The Hollywood
These fuckers spend shit loads of money in game. They tend to be the 2nd in command but never actually given any real responsibility. Its a waste of time messaging these fuckers if you get hit as they send stupid messages that make no sense, i.e [Welcome to hollywood baby ]. On discord they tend to post pictures online that state that they own a pool (but really it's their neighbour's), drive a red porsche (but really its a white Ford Taurus). Conversing with these guys is pointless as they have the IQ of pickled cabbage.
(Note from Greenfire -any resemblance to @HW purely not coincidental)
5. The Pretentious Sociopath
Be very careful how you approach these trolls as sometimes they are or appear intelligent. They have a belief that their self worth is higher than what it should be, normally requesting positions of trust and then screwing you over by disbanding clans or kicking good members “just for the lolz”. These guys can be a successful troll, but only sometimes. They always show delusions of grandeur even though their life is trash. The best way to deal with these is to watch them as they attach themselves to queen bees (see previous news post) as they become self destructive around better trolls.
6. *The Snowflake (Troll Food) *
These cry babies are easily upset. They are genuinely upset by a few words and tend to explode without warning. These guys are cannon fodder for all trolls. They sit in their university dorm or mom's basement and have little interaction in real life. This is where the better trolls come into play and can be useful. These guys draw out the more aggressive trolls and shout about loyalty, respect or any other stupid thing they can think of. They also like to brag the fact they spent £20,000 in the game like they should be on the board of directors. These pricks tend to come from the southern states of the US.
7. The Argumentative Troll (Occasionally Called the Libtard, Sometimes Food)
These tend to be of flat earther mentality, sitting at home eating cereal from a box, not having washed for the past 3 weeks, picking belly button fluff while just wearing their pee stained tighty whities. These are the idiotic trolls of the internet and will argue about anything. No matter what facts you throw at them. These assholes are what the ignore button was invented for.
8. The Attention Seeker
Self explanatory these trolls always put focus on themselves, like my dog died today, or I was forced to play Shhhhhh last night. Normally female and considered fair prey to the sex pest.
(note from Greenfire - don't ask Wombat about Shhhhhh)
9. The Toxic Self Absorbed Troll
Will try and destroy any alliance for their own benefit. These guys will come in demanding a position of authority as they quickly level. Telling people how to deal with lower level gamers, normally demanding them to be removed from any alliance. These pricks really are the scum of the internet. They will try and downbeat anybody that questions them. Apparently according to these guys 99% of the internet have slept with my mom. (The jokes on you guys. Its only 85%, check your facts next time.)
10. The Lovable Troll
This guy is a wordsmith. He will play any situation to his advantage, often manipulating conversations to set people up for a huge wallop. Pffft who am I trying to kid all Internet trolls are complete dicks. They should be put in a bag like puppies and thrown from the nearest bridge.
(pic of @Wombat added purely for illustration - Greenfire)
11. The Unsuccessful Alpha Male
Or as I call them the D pic poster. Nothing worse than waking up from a good nights sleep, opening your discord/kik/line and being stared at by something that resembles a very short Billy Zane being strangled by a turtle neck sweater.
(Note from Greenfire - I'd insert a pic of Alpha in here but I deleted my Line app
12. The Racist
No detail needed on these. They should all be lined up and covered in lye then hosed down. (Not advocating any form of violence by the way, but it's okay to punch a Nazi.)
13. The Grammar Nazi
The most borring troll of all. They don't got nothing better to do than correct peoples grammer and spelinng. Nobody cares.
(note from Greenfire - can we punch these Nazis too?)
14. The Gaslighter
These trolls like to stir up shit about other people, misinterpret what others say and try and disrupt NAP's or alliances because they don't have a full understanding of what's going on. These tend to be loose cannons as any ally but never really an enemy.
15. The Keyboard Warrior
My personal favourite. The amount of times people have asked for an address. These people just rage about anything and everything. Ultimately resorting to threats of violence and other forms of abuse.
Now all of the above are easily resolved with the following message.