How to Train an Internet Troll, and Their Feeding Habits.
by @Wombat
Any gamer worth their salt who is part of a bigger community will drop everything, rush home, login online and play their current game from dusk til dawn. No matter what game you play if it has a game chat then it has its resident trolls. These toxic players will spam, cry, try and even sext you, or just be a complete pain in the backside for any gamer or alliance or any gaming community. However, these individuals that pick away at any small piece of information to use against you for their advantage or even just to get a reaction can also have their uses .
They can turn the tide from you having a mediocre middle of the range alliance to actually making your alliance a force to be reckoned with.
1. The Spammer
These guys are the idiots of the trolling word. No amount of interaction with these twats Can ever be useful. You're better off boiling your scrotum and eating it
2. The Sex Pest
This unsavoury individual will come online in a game and ask if there are any women on. As a guy, that woman they are requesting.... is me. I have no qualms receiving pm's detailing what they want to do to me as anything I receive like that is shared on discord while they are still in game and the justice is severe and swift. To carry the conversation further, a few mmmmm and oh wows makes these perverts flustered. You find that the content of their pm's are weak so the only women they have seen naked...... who am I trying to kid. They haven't seen a woman naked.
The best way to feed these is to have an amazing conversation of one word answers. This will end with them asking for your number/discord/kik/line/smoke signal. who cares. Always remember kids play these games too.
No matter your stance in the game, if you are one of the following type of troll, put it to one side and always make sure that the community's safety is taken care of. Best to destroy these first two trolls quickly.
3. The Wanker/Drunken Fucktard/2 Can Van Damme
This guy takes the game too serious. If you don't talk about the game he gets pissy. Normally catagorised with the drunken fucktard or the guy that has had 2 beers can't hold his liquor and wants to fight the world (2 Can Van Damme). These guys bitemore, the more you interact with them, making less and less sense as the night carries on. These idiots are easier deflected to other targets like number 2 above.
4. The Hollywood
These fuckers spend shit loads of money in game. They tend to be the 2nd in command but never actually given any real responsibility. Its a waste of time messaging these fuckers if you get hit as they send stupid messages that make no sense, i.e [Welcome to hollywood baby ]. On discord they tend to post pictures online that state that they own a pool (but really it's their neighbour's), drive a red porsche (but really its a white Ford Taurus). Conversing with these guys is pointless as they have the IQ of pickled cabbage.
(Note from Greenfire -any resemblance to @HW purely not coincidental)
5. The Pretentious Sociopath
Be very careful how you approach these trolls as sometimes they are or appear intelligent. They have a belief that their self worth is higher than what it should be, normally requesting positions of trust and then screwing you over by disbanding clans or kicking good members “just for the lolz”. These guys can be a successful troll, but only sometimes. They always show delusions of grandeur even though their life is trash. The best way to deal with these is to watch them as they attach themselves to queen bees (see previous news post) as they become self destructive around better trolls.
6. *The Snowflake (Troll Food) *
These cry babies are easily upset. They are genuinely upset by a few words and tend to explode without warning. These guys are cannon fodder for all trolls. They sit in their university dorm or mom's basement and have little interaction in real life. This is where the better trolls come into play and can be useful. These guys draw out the more aggressive trolls and shout about loyalty, respect or any other stupid thing they can think of. They also like to brag the fact they spent £20,000 in the game like they should be on the board of directors. These pricks tend to come from the southern states of the US.
7. The Argumentative Troll (Occasionally Called the Libtard, Sometimes Food)
These tend to be of flat earther mentality, sitting at home eating cereal from a box, not having washed for the past 3 weeks, picking belly button fluff while just wearing their pee stained tighty whities. These are the idiotic trolls of the internet and will argue about anything. No matter what facts you throw at them. These assholes are what the ignore button was invented for.
8. The Attention Seeker
Self explanatory these trolls always put focus on themselves, like my dog died today, or I was forced to play Shhhhhh last night. Normally female and considered fair prey to the sex pest.
(note from Greenfire - don't ask Wombat about Shhhhhh)
9. The Toxic Self Absorbed Troll
Will try and destroy any alliance for their own benefit. These guys will come in demanding a position of authority as they quickly level. Telling people how to deal with lower level gamers, normally demanding them to be removed from any alliance. These pricks really are the scum of the internet. They will try and downbeat anybody that questions them. Apparently according to these guys 99% of the internet have slept with my mom. (The jokes on you guys. Its only 85%, check your facts next time.)
10. The Lovable Troll
This guy is a wordsmith. He will play any situation to his advantage, often manipulating conversations to set people up for a huge wallop. Pffft who am I trying to kid all Internet trolls are complete dicks. They should be put in a bag like puppies and thrown from the nearest bridge.
(pic of @Wombat added purely for illustration - Greenfire)
11. The Unsuccessful Alpha Male
Or as I call them the D pic poster. Nothing worse than waking up from a good nights sleep, opening your discord/kik/line and being stared at by something that resembles a very short Billy Zane being strangled by a turtle neck sweater.
(Note from Greenfire - I'd insert a pic of Alpha in here but I deleted my Line app
12. The Racist
No detail needed on these. They should all be lined up and covered in lye then hosed down. (Not advocating any form of violence by the way, but it's okay to punch a Nazi.)
13. The Grammar Nazi
The most borring troll of all. They don't got nothing better to do than correct peoples grammer and spelinng. Nobody cares.
(note from Greenfire - can we punch these Nazis too?)
14. The Gaslighter
These trolls like to stir up shit about other people, misinterpret what others say and try and disrupt NAP's or alliances because they don't have a full understanding of what's going on. These tend to be loose cannons as any ally but never really an enemy.
15. The Keyboard Warrior
My personal favourite. The amount of times people have asked for an address. These people just rage about anything and everything. Ultimately resorting to threats of violence and other forms of abuse.
Now all of the above are easily resolved with the following message.
