I stopped writing stuff in forums because of all the toxic people- I'll make an exception in this special case.
I know very well how you might be feeling. In my past I played many MMOs because I was bored and needed something to do. It helped me to find a place to be, so I would advice you to do so too. Find a community, or something alike, and start to feel better. It won't be easy, it won't start quickly, but it will happen.
And maybe, in such a community, you will find someone who would lend you his alpha-account so that you can play too... looks serious at everyone from the stuff... Look, flying cookies! Catch them before they eat your code!
runs away I'll never be serious again- for today!